How to Disconnect From Toxic People
Do you find yourself exhausted and drained after spending time with certain people?
It could be a friend that has a problem they need help with….but you realise it’s the same old problem they’ve got and nothing’s changed.
In fact they run around doing ‘survey says’ with their friends, getting all their advice, then put nothing into place
They feel fabulous when they leave but you’re left feeling drained and quite relieved they’ve left!
In this post, find out why some people are ‘toxic’ to us and what happens to you when they’re around. I’ll also share with you a powerful technique I use in clinic to disconnect from this energy.
Who Are These Toxic People?
Now I say ‘toxic’ but they’re not really toxic 🙂
They have a beautiful lesson to teach us…if you can see past the emotions that get triggered!
You probably have a good idea of what I mean when I say draining people.
- The micromanaging boss who has unrealistic expectations for work delivery,
- The friend that always seems to have big dramas going on in their lives and regularly needs your support and advice,
- The family member that always knows how to push your buttons and get you really fired up,or
- The client that needs a lot of support outside of their session time.
When you see them, or know you’re about to, you get an anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach. You’ll probably feel exhausted after your time together and you know it will take you a few hours or even days to recover and let go of any strong emotions they’ve triggered in you.
Even energy vampires!
There’s lots of ways to describe them.
How Does This Happen?
Everything is connected, which is why you can sometimes feel what others are feeling.
Stay with me, I’m going to get a bit scientific! Quantum Physics explains the nature and behaviour of matter and energy on the atomic and subatomic level ie teeny, tiny miniscule, minute, microscopic particles which are just fast moving energy.
This theory demonstrates that everything is energy and that everything in our world is connected. From the ‘solid’ objects (slower moving energy) to the emotions we feel.
(Ok, lesson over!)
When in balance, a relationship that supports and nurtures both parties is one in which there’s an even exchange of energy (thoughts, words, feelings, hand on the shoulder).
You listen while the other talks, then you swap, you talk and the other listens.
BUT in some relationships:
- One person is always talking and the other is always listening.
- One always gets their needs met, the other doesn’t.
- One person is manipulative or abusive, the other is manipulated or abused.
- One is taking energy, the other is giving it away.
When the relationship isn’t in balance, there’s a one way drain of energy.
How they get your energy is by asking for your help and needing;
- your attention…immediately,
- interrupting you,
- ‘dumping’ their problems on you,
- asking for advice/help for the same issue but never implementing it,
- always telling you what to do, etc.
We can create Psychic Hooks to a person.
They attach you to the other person and provide a conduit for your energy to drain out of your system and into theirs.
Until we actively do something about this connection, your energy will continue to drain in this direction.
Getting back to the friend that needed your advice, they feel so fabulous because they’ve taken your energy and you feel exhausted because you’ve given your energy away.
It’s a one way flow but two way agreement.
And not seeing the person ever again doesn’t stop it! A great indication of this is, if you find yourself thinking about them and it still triggers strong emotions in you.
A definite sign, there’s still a connection.
Why Are They Able to Get Under My Skin So Easily?!
On one level it’s an issue with boundaries.
Your boundaries have probably become a bit hazy, in that you’re finding it hard to say ‘no’ to people and therefore they’re able to help themselves to some of your energy.
It can be because you’re tired, not feeling well or that’s just how it’s been with that person.
When your boundaries are clearly defined, you have no problem saying “Happy to talk about this with you but can I call you back?” Then find a time that suits you.
Or “It sounds like you’ve got a lot going on, I’m in the middle of meeting this deadline, how about we set up a time later to discuss what’s going on for you?” Again pick a time later that works for both of you.
On another level, we manifest all challenges in our lives as ‘lessons’.
How we manifest this is all about the current state of energy in your system.
We’re all made up of our thoughts, beliefs, emotions and behaviours.
What we ‘believe’ is true, is what we experience in our lives.
If you believe you’re bad at public speaking, you’re bad at public speaking. If you feel you lack confidence in being able to ask for what you want, you’ll always struggle asking
The energy within us is the energy sent out to the world (or the Universe as I like to call it). The Universe does not judge, it just reflects that energy perfectly back to us like a mirror, by bringing experiences into your life that reflect this.
If we’re sending out angry energy because we had a fight before we left home that day, what you’ll have reflected back is more opportunities to hold onto that anger, for example you’ll get cut off by a car on your way to work, you’ll lose your phone, you discover someone at work is undermining you.
Or if you live in a perpetual state of fear or anxiety, events will happen to you that will exacerbate that fear and keep it present in your life.
Get the picture?
Getting back to the lessons.
When they happen, it’s a beautiful message to show you, what within you is not in alignment with love and the highest vision possible for yourself.
You have an opportunity to acknowledge the emotion, express gratitude and clear the block from your system. This will interrupt the “Please send me events that trigger this emotion” message, so you can get centred and grounded and aligned to your highest purpose again.
- Is the lesson purely about having stronger boundaries and learning to say “no”? I don’t know, maybe.
- Is it about forgiveness? Which can be about forgiving the person but not condoning the behaviour. Could be.
It’s different for everyone. In some instances time may need to pass to be able to clearly see the lesson, in others, it’s immediately obvious.
The important thing is to acknowledge the gift of the experience.
Warning! Super Powerful way to Disconnect…
I use a process in clinic called Removing Psychic Hooks. It’s the best way to disconnect from another person or event and stop this unconscious drain of your energy.
This process stops the energy drain to the other person, seals the leak in your system and in doing so, gives you back your power in the relationship.
This technique can bring massive change!
Be assured the change is for your best and highest good, however it may not be what you think that would look like!
After using this technique you will feel an immediate shift in energy between you and the other person. You’ll have more energy and you’ll notice your thoughts and feelings about the other person will change. You’ll notice you won’t feel as triggered or drained by them.
Some clients, have had the following experiences:
- Were made redundant in a job the following day after doing the process. After the initial shock the client realised it gave her the freedom to finally step into solely running her own business. A passion she’d had for a long time.
- Had their partner (albeit cheating partner) finally leave the relationship. My client was finding it difficult to let go, even knowing about his cheating. She felt grateful she was finally free to heal and move on.
- Instantly improved a friendship when my client stopped ‘fixing’ her friend after she constantly sought out her advice. My client was then able to listen to and support her friend without the energetic drain. It completely empowered both parties.
You don’t need to actually confront the other person or talk to them about what you’re doing! It all happens on an energetic level.
- You’ll find dramas can be going on around you and you don’t get sucked into them.
- You won’t be affected by people that have been draining in the past.
- You’re able to strongly stand in your power and have the freedom to choose whether or not to connect into what’s going on around you.
Once you’ve completed the process a few times thoroughly end to end, you’ll know what it feels like to be disconnected. This enables you to run through the process in just a few seconds when you need to repeat it.
You can do this with anyone in your life, current or from the past, where you feel there may be unresolved issues. It allows you to break whatever ties may still be there and enables forgiveness, healing and gratitude to be present in your life. All very important aspects in being able to move on and heal.
Of course the connections can form again if you choose to connect back into the other person. Habits need to be broken. Buttons can still be pushed as you’re strengthening your boundaries. So, you can do this process as many times a day as you feel you need to. It may be 20 the first day, 10 the next and a few the third day.
Of course once you’ve fully disconnected, and you do choose to connect back in, say to help a friend, you’ll be able to disconnect again easily as you’ll now recognise you have the power to do so.
Are you still with me?
To help you with this process, I have created a free 4 minute meditation for you to download.
Once you learn the process, it won’t take you longer than 10 seconds!
Enter your details below to gain access immediately.
Let me know in the comments how you go with it and the changes you experience!